 THEDA BARA &
THE FRONTIER RABBI
Book by Jeff Hochhauser. Music by Bob Johnston.
Lyrics by Johnston and Hochhauser.
THE STORY:
Back in the days before Madonna, Marilyn and even Jean
Harlow, there was Theda Bara! She was the Vamp. In the
year 1917, if a newly ordained rabbi named Isaac Birnbaum
were to be spotted by a member of his congregation watching
this creature drive a priest to bottle and suicide in
a steamy silent film called Father, I Have Sinned, he'd
have to think fast to come up with an explanation. Truth
to tell, the rabbi finds Theda Bara far more exotic than
his old favourite, Tom Mix. But if he were to tell the
truth, chances are he would be assigned to assessing
the probity of pickles in a Brooklyn factory rather than
realising his vision of remaining in Hollywood as the
Frontier Rabbi. Theda Bara has problems too. Instead
of being an enigmatic import from Egypt who can speak
no English and must communicate through her conniving
producer Selwyn Farp, she is, in fact, none other than
Theodosia Goodman, a nice Jewish girl from Cincinnati.
And what is her dream? Not to drive men gaga by mouthing, "Kiss
me, my fool," but to put on a pretty dress and pearls,
go to synagogue and meet a nice rabbi. While Isaac's
sister is fixing to make the introduction, Isaac is readying
a sermon of denunciation, and Theda is preparing to pick
grapes from her heaving bosom in a new movie of Cleopatra.
As for Selwyn Farp, he is plotting to install the wavering
rabbi as the puppet head of the movie industry's watchdog,
the National Board of Review. |
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